I started my training in the meat department. I have a lot to learn. Right now, it’s all trees, no forest but that’s how jobs often start. You kind of go from one task to another, not really knowing why, just trying to get the hang of the machines and locations. It’s a bit like chasing your tail. Training is probably my least favorite part of any job. It’s stressful and mentally exhausting. I don’t like feeling useless.

But that’ll change. It’ll get better. I’ll learn this shit. Soon, I’ll have the skeleton of routine that I can hang my workday on. An old boss at the potato factory told me that he was a great believer in habit and so I am. Basically, right now, I want to get the right habits. Habits that provide structure and space to deal with the chaos that inevitably intrudes.

I had that with bagging. Right from the ground up, I had an approach. Right now, I have no approach other than listening, learning and moving heavy shit around and putting things back where I found them. I try not to get in the way. As another boss told me, if you don’t have it in the brains, you better have it in the legs. That sort of thing.

I like it when the work becomes second nature. That’s going to take a while.

But, so far, I like it. Just have to deal with that fake-it-til-you-make-it type shit.

I just hope I get off these morning shifts soon. Daylight is unnatural.

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