Log: A Boat in the Water

Looking down at the beach today, I saw a strange sight. A boat in the water.

Until I saw this boat, I had not even noticed how long it’d been since I’d seen a boat in that water. There’s usually a bunch of boats out there. About once a week, a cruise ship would show up in the bay and release fireworks. But, somehow, all the boats had vanished and I hadn’t even noticed their absence until I saw this one. I watched it for as long as I could.

An old picture from The Time of Boats

I’ve been a little peevish today. Some of this was just my normal grumpiness. Some of it was a bit worse than that. None of it is anything I’m proud of.

I was being a bit short and nasty with my wife. This sometimes happens in a marriage but, unlike my parents, I don’t really want to spend decades pretending that bickering is conversation. Yet I seemed unable to help myself. Everything that came out of my mouth was some grumpy, smart-ass remark. Some half-expressed disapproval. I finally realized that she wasn’t irritating me at all. In fact, she was being totally fine. I, on the other hand, was acting like an idiot. Why? I can’t be sure. I’m accustomed to a lot of solitude and I don’t really have any time alone anymore and that is probably part of it. But that’s not it.

I think I was just trying to break up the monotony of being nice. Pressing my wife’s buttons isn’t a great hobby but it does provide some interest. This wasn’t any sort of conscious strategy. It’s not like I decided to act that way. It was more like a reflex against boredom.

Like, I said, I’m not proud of this.

It’s not a fair thing to do or a decent way to behave so I apologized, explained, attempted to make some restitution, and then put my energy into more productive things. In other words, I rearranged some of the furniture. Then I put it all back. Well, most of it anyway.

I’m only sharing this in the hope that it provides some small value to anyone who finds themselves in this spot. I have no idea what will actually be of value or how typical my moods are but, if you end up in some sort of lock down and you start acting this way, maybe having read this will help you understand your behavior and stop it before it gets out of hand.

Because you will have to stop it. Like, this situation can go on for a while. You can’t make it worse. Not if you can help it. I could help it so I did. And then I spent a lot of time cleaning.

This produced a few small bags of garbage. Now, like many couples, wife and I often disagree about who should take out the garbage and when. Today, there was no such debate. I didn’t ask her to help so much as offer an invitation. Taking out the garbage is the only time we left the apartment today. So it was a bit of fresh air. A chance to stretch the legs and get out of the room for a minute. Taking out the garbage was a date.

Today, we also got the news that schools will not be re-opening on March 9th as planned. That date has been set back two weeks to March 22nd. As I said yesterday, it’s not really good news or bad news or even really news at all. A lot can happen in a week. Three weeks? It seems hard to believe that we might still be in this situation in three weeks.

But the situation in The Affected Area doesn’t really care what one believes. It mainly cares about how one acts. So I’m going to try to act a bit better. Today wasn’t great.

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