beyond no

Not really seeking out news from America but often getting it anyway, I bumped into this bizarre little statement:

“Meanwhile, Trump retweeted a message today from the former host of “Love Connection” claiming the CDC is lying about COVID-19.”

I just don’t even know how to deal with this shit. Every single part of that sentence is more ludicrous and evil than the last part. Whatever way you order the thoughts there, balancing them against each other, the result is some evil shit. And this sentence is just some throwaway line from an average day. It’s not like the statement is even scandalous. Its sheer fucking stupidity and malevolence is simply expected. Business as usual.

Not to mention that we’re all kind of numb about the idea that Donald Trump –DONALD FUCKING TRUMP!– has managed to become president of the most powerful country on earth. Donald Trump has nukes, for fuck’s sake. Donald Trump! I mean, the second we hear the words PRESIDENT DONALD FUCKING TRUMP!? we should go straight into a panic.

I remember when it first happened. Outside, the sound of sirens and helicopters, a car went past, the radio blasting, the words “PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP” and just feeling like I’d fallen sideways into an 80s schlock sci-fi movie infodump. The stage was set.

At the time, I remember people talking about how they weren’t going to “normalize” him or any of this and just thinking, you’re not going to have a fucking choice, boss. You clearly have no sense of history and absolutely no idea what people can get used to and how quickly they can get used to it. How quickly they will get used to it. Normalize? The fuck you talking about? Normalize? He’s fucking president. He’s normalized. That’s normalized!

And fighting it? Once things get to a certain point, fighting this fascism shit usually takes a war. A pink hat just won’t do the trick. Antifa is important and it can help a lot early and it can help a lot during but generally takes resistance movements and a lot of heavily armed states either supplying those movements with weapons or themselves fighting very hard to beat fascism once it has control of a state.

At a certain point in a certain sort of society, just about all you might be able to do is to retain some fucking decency and basic humanity. Trump’s election was that certain point for America. Retaining enough decency to build something out of the rubble he’d leave behind was and is its own important struggle. You have to try to make sure some sense of right and wrong survives. Like those monks copying books for centuries. You have to be a memory.

It sounds simple. It isn’t. The only thing I could think to do to make sure I retained some decency was to set a “no.” That’s a line where you just say “no.” No matter what, it’s a “no.” Not a “maybe” not a “later” and not a “next time.” It’s a no. No.

You decide what statements you will never accept and what things you will not do and will never do. You have to decide on your “no” before you hear these things and before you are asked to do these things. You have to set that line early. You have to set it hard. If you don’t decide on your “no” early, if you don’t set that “no” hard, that line gets slippery. That line keeps moving. You stroll across your maybes and your probably nots. You go along.

You must not go along.

You need that “no” just so that when you are asked, you know you’ve hit your “no.” You refuse. Fuck the consequences. You refuse. Having been asked, you then either put all your energy into actually fighting rather than just talking about the shit or you run. Depends on the situation. Running is allowed under fascism. You can fucking run. You maybe should. Maybe you should have run sooner. Hitting my no, I ran. I probably should have fought harder.

I did what I could, how I could, and when I could. It could have been more. I could have done more. That doesn’t matter. And feeling good about any of this? That’s a luxury none of us are allowed. Maybe not ever again. This disaster is not our fault but it has happened on our watch. Something went seriously wrong. It’s been going wrong a long time. Some part of it must have gone wrong with us.

I don’t think enough people had a “no.” I don’t think enough wanted to know what they knew and I don’t think enough people thought ahead.

But a statement like this?

“Meanwhile, Trump retweeted a message today from the former host of “Love Connection” claiming the CDC is lying about COVID-19.”

We are so far past my “no.” I just don’t know how to deal this shit. I don’t know how to deal with America. Like, what the fuck is this fucking fuckery? Like, fuck! Fuuuuuck.

Every single day, something else inside me dies. Some of these are things I didn’t even know were inside me. Not until I heard them sigh. Not until they died.

And it’s not even Trump that does it. It’s more that he was ever produced and that he ever was, let alone, is still allowed to exist. It’s like, let’s say there was some radioactive mutant running around The Forbidden Zone eating brains and smashing the dishes and whatnot. Like, yeah, okay, I’m not happy with that mutant. That china cup was all I have to remember The Old World and the mutant just threw it against an old broken wall for absolutely no reason and now he’s vomiting insects and these are eating the rubble and shitting pestilence. So, yeah, not exactly thrilled with that mutant. We could all do without that mutant. But it’s more like, man, life in The Forbidden Zone fucking sucks. The conditions that produced that mutant? And he’s the mayor now? . . .


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