Cold Noodles

It was about thirty degrees and raining yesterday.

Ah, thirty degrees. Celsius. It’s good to be on metric again. I missed it. I no longer have to convert every measurement into football fields. And the fucking thing about the imperial system of measurement is, it’s not even used. Not really. Like the meat counter always employed a form of metric. It would be 1.5 lbs not 1 pound 6 ounces. The only people who would try to order by weight in ounces were confused Europeans. Just switch already. Make it official. It’s so much easier. I do not get the intransigence on this issue.

Anyway, it was humid. The humidex is another thing. I hate it. And windchill. Look, minus ten is cold enough, Toronto. You don’t have to inflate it. It’s always windy at minus ten! When you see minus ten, just wear all you got. Like, fucking hell. Why the make-believe shit? Why the “feels like.” Who the fuck needs CP24 to tell them what they’ll feel like? You’ll feel sort of mushy, with varying degrees of slipperiness, some of which depends on your mood, and you’ll feel manageably uncomfortable but you’ll probably want to whine about it. You’ll feel like humans often do. You should be used to it by now. You’ve been one for a minute.

But anyway, it was hot and humid, so I took my first pass at making some cold buckwheat noodles. Cold noodles are a bit like cold showers. I only like them in certain conditions. First time I had them was by accident in 서울. Kind of a point at the menu and see what happens thing. What happened was I got a bowl of ice and noodles. I wasn’t expecting that. Nor was I expecting to like them. But then — icy and spicy? Just about the most refreshing combination in the world. Like a cold shower I like cold showers but only under certain conditions. I like them during the summer here and in Mexico. In Canada? Forget it. The wind will murder you. In Cali? Not so much. Different sort of heat. I should check the humidex. That might be the thing. The tacos are great in both places though. Same with the burritos. Never had cold noodles in Mexico so I don’t know how those are. Do they even have them?

This is starting to run on like some sort of online recipe. I remember when I first started looking up recipes online. It seemed like you would just get right to the point. These days, every dish has a fucking backstory. It’s like a whole narrative arc dealing with where the person learned it, how they learned to love it, and then, finally, you scroll past that and get to the recipe. And that story is all about proving how fucking authentic that recipe is. Who even gives a shit about authenticity? I’m looking up how to make dinner on a computer, not conducting an archaeological dig. Authentic? Am I assessing the value of a painting? My question is — Is it good? Only way to tell that is to eat it. You can’t read a flavor.

Anyway, I’m not going to give you a recipe.

Here’s a picture tho.


All I wanted to say was, I like to run an experiment before I attempt to feed my wife. I think this worked out okay. I can add it to the menu. Quick and easy to make too.

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