a minute off

I never feel stress until I stop feeling it. While I feel it, I don’t. Even when I was a server, I could not tell if I was stressed without looking at the quality of my rollups. If they’d gone to shit, I’d know that I needed to take a breath. And I don’t even know if this means that I handle stress really well or if I handle it really badly. I don’t know if retaining the ability to function, maybe even functioning better, while experiencing the odd complete breakdown and scratching myself until I bleed in my sleep is a good way of handling stress or a bad way of handling stress. All I know it that I handle stress. And that I never really feel stress until I stop feeling it. Yesterday, I stopped feeling some stress. Yesterday, I feel some relief.

It feels fucking good.

I tend to be a bit bleak a lot of the time and this, of course, will not change. But this doesn’t make me immune to happiness. In fact, I like happiness. I just believe that happiness is rare and precious. As such, you should enjoy happiness when you get it. It won’t last forever. Happiness is probably against your better judgement. But if you feel happy, fucking feel it. Happiness, like love, is irrational. That’s part of it’s fun. I like happiness and love and fun. I just hate forcing them. Forcing them makes me miserable.

There’s very little need to force the happiness I feel today. I am well aware that America’s problems have not even begun to be solved. But they are getting worse slower. That’s enough for the moment. It’s a lot better than what we’ve had for some time. And it will make some of the work a lot easier. If you don’t think so, you should try sitting across a negotiation table with your bosses overseen by Trump’s Labor Department some time. It’ll be easier.

The one thing that is stressing me out, a stress I can feel, is all this talk from the Democratic leadership about forgiveness and healing. The whole let bygones be bygones thing. I am not ready for that. I will never be ready for that. I want justice to be served. And a lot of it.

Hell, if it was up to me, we’d be shaving these motherfuckers in the street and branding MAGA into their scalps. Luckily, it’s not up to me. Cooler heads should prevail.

But, I do honestly think the best thing for the country is not for Trump to go quietly. I want him dragged off the White House toilet, kicking and screaming with his dirty underwear around his ankles. I want the misguided and destructive project of rehabilitating him –a project already begun, by the way– to meet its ignoble end in a humiliating and pathetic spectacle — a tantrum that gives those who would forgive him no choice but to finally –after all this death and hate and poison– to FINALLY treat him like the criminal lout he is. He cannot be allowed to pivot to respectability by something as fucking basic and meaningless as reading a concession speech off a teleprompter. Not after what he did. It is not enough.

He belongs in prison. That has not changed.

His enablers, cronies and partners belong in prison. That has not changed.

Putting them on trial is not opposed to healing. Justice is fundamental to healing. You cannot move to forgiveness without there first being a reckoning and an election is just the very start of that reckoning. There needs to be consequences. If various victims of his want, personally, to grant Trump forgiveness, that is their personal business. But the rest of it is for the courts, the law, and the nation to decide. Their feelings are not on trial. His actions must be. My vote for Biden was not a vote to forgive Donald Trump. It was not a vote to cooperate with Republicans. It was, yes, a vote to begin healing. But healing can only start with justice.

Everyone is either under the law or no one is. We are either a nation of laws or we are not. That’s the decision that now has to be made. And it has to be made correctly.

The right lessons must be learned. One of them is that all these institutions proved unable to stop a figure as trifling and ridiculous as Donald Fucking Trump. They were not up to it. The people, even with the paltry organizing of elections, stopped him. Their voice, diluted as it was, followed by large public parties did more to put an end to his shit than any of the other checks and balances. The lesson here is not that the system worked. The lesson is that the system failed. And the system failed while being tested by one of the biggest dopes on Earth. A common cold does not kill a healthy patient. The system must be fixed.

We cannot afford to find ourselves back in this spot again.

But today? Today, I’m just going to feel good.

We’ve all earned a minute off.

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