log: frankenscarf courier

WORMDATE: L 1.5/2: 438-34,201: 3-526

Must have lost my damn fool mind today. I had to head out to buy nicotine. First time out in, I think, eight days. And that’s fine. But then I became possessed with the idea that I need a scarf. 밤에 춥져요. 스카프는 필요해요. And I ended up going to the department store.


So now I live in fear of my buzzing phone. Just waiting for a “been to ____? please call ____” message. Maybe I’ll get away with this mad caper. Live to slap my head another day.

It was pretty quiet out though and I did stick to the basic compliance. Masks, distancing, avoiding crowds. And I don’t want to give the impression that I’m freaking out –because, like, I’m not– it’s just those alerts now have a bit of added suspense. They are, perhaps, a little spicier than normal. The phone vibrates and the mind can’t help but turn.

You live long enough to get old and you come to understand certain things about yourself. Or, at least, you can start to think you do. I have a certain idea of how I manage risks.

I don’t mind them. But they have to be worth it.

Like, when I was young, stupid kid things like shoplifting or petty theft or whathaveyou, was just whatever. (Little known fun fact, many of my first suits were acquired by walking in wearing one suit and walking out wearing another — cheaper than dry cleaning.) But, got to a certain age and it was just like I would rather pay. There is nothing in the world worth even having to listen to so much as a lecture from some security guard who is younger than me. Want to do some graffiti? Do I really want to sitting in the back of a cop car behind that sort of shit? It’s just not dignified. Fun just isn’t worth it. Cannot be bothered.

But if something is worth it, I’ll pretty much run just about any risk and I won’t even be worried about it. Risk doesn’t worry me. Risk over stupid shit does. My family’s motto is “we have no fear but are cautious” so maybe it’s something in the blood. Though, I’m not sure I would describe much of my family as cautious. Not exactly. Crazy, sure. There’s certainly some crazy in that Oakley blood. And some of that blood all over the floor.

So I’m just sort of annoyed. Because, like a scarf? A fucking scarf?

Nevermind the virus, it’s not even worth the mild suspense of my phone sounding like that old cop knock-knock. It’s not that great of a scarf. Like, it’s okay but it’s just a scarf.

I blame Marie Kondo for this. It’s not her fault but I’m going to blame her anyway. I used to have scarfs. Plenty of scarves! I’m not sure what happened to them. One move from Canada to California and another move within Cali is probably enough to clear out most of a person’s winter-wear. Then you throw in some Marie Kondo and shit just gets out of hand. I curse her pretty much weekly. Can’t tell you how many times I’m looking for something and end up shaking my fist at the sky and Kirk screaming “KOOOOONNNNNDO!!!”

And sidenote — Korea has a version of her. She recommends that you try cleaning up and organizing things before you just start throwing everything out. Sensible fucking country!

In other news. Been on a Frankenstein kick lately.

I even saw Kenneth Branagh’s Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein. That has to be just about one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Just terrible. The thing about Frankenstein is, boy, you can pull a lot of meaning and a lot of different meanings out of the damn thing. Like a lot. Scientists playing God, humans hating God for creating them, and that’s just a start. It has ideas that you see replicated in movies like Bladerunner. Even “Hider in the House” –a movie about Gary Busey hiding in your house (sweet dreams!)- is basically just a little part of Frankenstein without the sci-fi. And it crosses cultures too. Saadawi beautifully takes the creature in “Frankenstein in Baghdad” and comes up with an incredible way to describe post-war Iraq. Frankenstein is dynamite. You can get a lot of meaning out of Frankenstein.

Branagh somehow manages to get none.

None! Nothing!

What a piece of shit that movie is.

Like Bram Stoker’s Dracula is kind of shit too but at least it’s really horny. If you’re going to make a movie like this, someone better fuck a werewolf in the garden. There are rules.

And I also saw a movie that I had never see before. Jimmy Mubonic. (I am so sick of spelling, leave me alone.) I had seen parts of this thing on other people’s TVs but never sat down and watched it until a couple of nights ago. It’s not bad. It’s okay.

Age has served it well. What I think has happened here is that it’s kind of a low-key funny Repo Man style script that Hollywood Hollywooded the fuck out of. Over time, all that Hollywood stuff just became super campy so the humor emerges. It also has that weird peak nineties thing where it’s like 80s cult underground goes Hollywood corporate. So there’s like Ice T and Rollins in a William Gibson thing. Dolph Lundgren and Keanu.

I like Keanu. He’s terrible but distinctly so. Very much a star. I think star power isn’t much about being good as it is about quickly recognizable you are. Music is like that. You don’t need to sound good, just distinct. And Keanu definitely sounds like Keanu. There is no mistaking him for anyone else. Not his voice, his look, nothing. He’s singular.

Like good or bad is just beside the point. It’s Keanu.

And the movie has Beat Takeishi. I’m a huge fan. He makes everything better.

We should probably talk predictions! Sci-fi and such.

A white guy not wearing his mask in Asia during a pandemic? Very accurate Jimmy Mubonic 2021 prediction here. I don’t know what’s wrong with my people but something very clearly is. Just wear your fucking mask, Kenny Reef! And don’t buy a scarf!

But the most eerily accurate thing in the whole damn movie is probably the random animated dolphin flying around in cyberspace. That shit actually looks like the web.

Odd the things that things get right.

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