log: red chair

벌레 일지 WORMDATE: L3: 1,755 – 272,982: 1 – 2,359: 64.5 %-39 %

Really landed myself in it. Was out on a late night walk and saw a little old lady (78 years old — quickly giving one’s age is the norm here) collecting cardboard. She had it loaded onto a cart but seemed to be having some trouble strapping it in. Looked like a two person job so I offered my services. Anyway, we got that strapped in and–

Next thing I know, she has me back at her apartment. Pulls out a little plastic red children’s chair for me to sit on, a fan to cool me, and a table. So there I am, full suit and tie, sitting on this little red child’s chair in the middle of a stranger’s apartment. She starts feeding me. She gave me some sort of homemade frozen drink made of roots and honey. I don’t drink booze but I was like — well, if this is booze, I guess I’m in. I couldn’t even explain not drinking booze to my own Nan and she spoke and understood English (when it suited her, at least) I was not going to try to explain the idea of not drinking alcohol to this woman. But, alas, no booze.

I could understand very little of what she had to say but from what I gather she thinks my mom has done a good job, she has three kids, one of whom is a teacher, and has a lot of thoughts about Americans and Hiroshima though I could not tell what these thoughts were. For all I know, she was happy about that whole thing.

Before I was able to leave, she’d given me a pack of ramen, two packs of pringles chips, and two frozen bottles of the root drink to take with me. I didn’t actually want any of that and tried to say “no” but she was determined and I really have no idea how hard to press the issue. She also walked me to a lookout, showed me the view of Haeundae and said Haeundae and the tall buildings there were for chaebols. (Rough translation of chaebols is probably something like wealth-clans.)

The long and the short of it is, I now have a new bestie.

I also can’t shake the feeling that this was the person I terrified at the gym during my late-night workout. Her size is right. Her agility seemed the same. And there just can’t be that many people who would be wandering around down in the woods late at night. She seems like she would be one of the few. I have no idea though. Just a weird hunch. She maps.

Anyway, not sure what if anything to do with all this but I think nothing. I’ll just let it rest and, maybe, in future, try to figure out a way to get out of these situations before they fully develop into a family history and a goodie bag. But when it comes to old ladies, I’m basically powerless. I just do what they say. It’ll probably get me dead one day.

As far as everything else goes, it goes fairly well. I’m enjoying my class and considering pursuing a certificate in Evolutionary Medicine while I go after my BA. Subjects like this one have always intimidated me but I seem to be doing okay with it and even enjoying it. Attaining a certificate seems possible. Like, it seems like a thing I could do fairly easily.

That really surprises me and I don’t really believe it. I just try not to think about it and let my marks and all that do the talking. If they say I can do it, then, fuck it, I don’t want to argue too much. I’ll just try to have some faith that the system has some idea what it’s doing and I’m not just some total fraud. Goes against my better judgement though.

I kinda also have this feeling though, like, if I can do something like that, I should? I mean, it’s also a big reason why I exercise. At the end of the day, I like to have some spare strength to break off for the people around me. I got that notion deep in my bones while doing Meals on Wheels in Toronto. (Specifically, during a conversation with a former body builder in a wheelchair, frail and unable to move, in Regent Park.) Before that, I felt much like a kicked dog. Just sort of like I couldn’t do anything and prone to biting.

But seeing people who could not get out of their chair or answer the door by themselves, people who had even lost control over their minds, I kind of realized on a very fundamental level that I could actually do a fucking lot. I was pretty capable and that being capable was a good thing because it could help people who were not capable. So, it’s like, if I can do these things, I should. They might somehow be of service to someone who cannot do them,

It’s always odd and difficult for me though – thinking I might actually be able to do something. The trick is, I try not to think about it too much.

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