log: invisible dan

벌레 일지 WORMDATE: PHASE 1 LEVEL 4

22,907-907,214: 274(-4): 25 -6,812(0.75%): 85.7 %–53 %

Been a bit busy and overwhelmed. Not so much with the work or the research, but the work that goes into doing the work. Seems like every week I’m getting three new pieces of software thrown at me. It’s either shit I haven’t used in at least a decade –like dropbox or excel– or shit I’ve never used like Zotero, drive, so on and so forth. I’m sure that, at some point, some of this stuff will start making my life easier but, at the moment, it’s just a multidirectional assault upon my piece of mind, schedule, and general happiness.

It feels like every time I check my email, there’s some new gizmo to learn. Papers to read and new updates to the last set of instructions. All of it coming in from various directions. Changed meeting times. That sort of thing. It’s a bit maddening.

I don’t know, maybe it’s the restaurant worker in me. But I am a big subscriber to the principle of Mise En Place. Not just because that’s the sort of thing you learn through being burned (so the lesson kinda sticks) but because I hate, like really hate, having to look for tools. It’s like, you want to be able to take the location of tools for granted. It lets you concentrate on the work. Let’s you get into your rhythm. Right, now I’m offbeat. The tools keep getting moved around. The tools are in chaos!

And I’m sure this will get better or settle down or something, but right now it’s all a little too much juggling for my taste. A little too much downloading and organizing.

Probably doesn’t help that I’m horribly old-school. Very paper and pencil. Like, I just started using post-its to mark my books instead of vandalizing them, and feel pretty proud of myself for embracing this cutting edge technology. I like physicality.

Been missing that about machines lately. The physical part. The wrestling. These days, it’s all touchscreens and buttons, stroking glass, and tap-tap-tap. I miss those buttons that clicked into place. Knobs and dials. Clamping a top-loading VHS tape into place. The whirring. Machines you could fucking hit when they failed. I miss the substance.

I may just be a little hangry.

Also haven’t had time to go for a walk in a while.

Invisible Dan is probably pretty happy about that. He’s a local deer. I’m not sure if he’s one deer. But I’ve decided to regard him as such. And not totally without evidence.

There’s a section of my walk where I sometimes bump into a deer. It often happens in a strange way. I, for some reason, pause. I must be sensing something, though, god knows, I never think that’s why I pause. The pause goes on. Then a deer jumps out and makes a run for it. Turns out it was standing pretty much right beside me. That’s Invisible Dan. The two of us? We just keep scaring the shit out of each other. Time before last, when that happened, he ran, stopped and started swearing at me. I told him I didn’t even know he was there.

Invisible Dan was still pissed off.

Saw him again a few nights ago. This time we weren’t right on top of each other. But he was laying down nearby. I saw him. He was staring at me. Not the first deer to do that.

The look on his face though!

Considering how different we see the world from even a dog, it’s amazing to me how understandable mammals can be. That face, his eyes, were just totally “DA FUCK? YOU AGAIN?!” And that’s when I named him Invisible Dan. Because the thing about him is, he’s always in a particular area that has a lot of people and no one ever seems to see him. I think he must be terrific at hiding. I usually only see him by accident and I’m looking. This fucking guy has been standing about a meter away from me three times and gone undetected.

I don’t know how things are going to go with me and Invisible Dan. I feel like these sorts of things always end with friendship or fighting. Or neither.

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