벌레 일지 WORMDATE: 11,162,232(+339,514): 1,085(+4): 14,294(+393)(0.13%)


What day did this start? Monday evening, I think. It’s Friday. Friday? Already?

I had to leave the house yesterday. If you’re a close contact, it’s recommended that within three days you get a test. It’s also recommended that you don’t go out. So choose? Although I’ve been assuming that I have it in terms of my relations with the outside world, inside the apartment, I’ve been doing everything I can to avoid catching it. But, if I tested positive, Wife could leave the bedroom, so I headed down to the clinic and got tested. Cost me 5000W or $4.11. Had my results in 15 minutes. Negative. I’m still fine. Though that was yesterday.

That was actually my first test of this entire pandemic. That’s both a testament to my ability (privilege) in being able to basically stay the fuck home, and to the government’s excellent management of this crisis. For a long time, catching corona in Korea was pretty farfetched, if you followed orders, which pretty much everyone did. Until recently, the tracing has also been good enough to tell you if you’d been exposed and needed a test. I haven’t had any hobbies or occupations that required a test, nor had I been exposed –that I know of– until this Monday. So I made it pretty far before being tested. But that’s done now.

I’ve heard people complain about getting that thing shoved up their nose. Can’t say it bothered me. People are just so fucking dramatic. It wasn’t fun but it wasn’t that bad.

How Wife and I are communicating.

Aside from all that, I’ve been sleeping a little better. The situation at home is wearying. I’m not all that worried about Wife’s health at the moment –she seems to be improving– but there is a bit of effort in caregiving, a bit of tension in trying to avoid Covid and not being sure if you got it or not, and the whole thing makes it hard to focus.

The caregiving is probably the easiest part. That’s just a lot of dropping food and tea off at the door, and being on call. It feels a little strange to give care in this way. Until Covid, locking a sick person away to avoid getting sick hasn’t really been standard in our house. It’d probably even be considered selfish. So that feels odd. But it’s also fairly typical of what the pandemic has been like – it kind of demands the opposite of what you’re used to and the opposite of what might feel right. At the very moment we needed to be together and needed coordinated action, we all had to be apart. Whole fucking thing is like baseball. Every movement is unnatural and backwards. A ball comes fast at you? Go straight at it!

The tension of not knowing whether not I’ve caught it yet, is probably the most tiring thing. It’s not like I spend much time actually thinking about it but the question is always there – a sort of humming uncertainty in the back of my head. It makes it generally more difficult to focus, makes my sleep a little less restful, and, all in all, fucks with my concentration. Some part of me is always paying attention to my body. Is that a cough? Sore throat? So on.

I can’t believe that it’s already Friday. I can’t believe how little I’ve done this week.

On top of that heightened awareness of my body, the whole thing has run me down. And also there’s a lot of yellow dust right now. So having those windows always open means breathing in a lot of this stuff

Today’s air.

That’ll give you a sore throat and stuffy nose. Generally, when the dust is like this, we’re supposed to keep the windows closed. But that’s 2022 for you. Balance the outdoor pollutions with the indoor diseases. Smoke or sick, a mask helps either way.

But the preventative measures are fairly easy. And I think that negative test shows that they have some utility too. Distance, ventilation, bleach, masks, vaccines. Been the same shit from the start. Following them is pretty easy. Though I do get a little frustrated because I don’t think COVID was, as far as pandemics go, all that difficult to manage. For things to have gotten as bad as they’ve gotten? That took a lot of aggressive stupidity. It took a lot of greed, a lot of ignorance, a lot of anger, and a lot of just plain fucking around. For this thing to kill so many people and do so much damage? Whole societies have to deliberately and stubbornly do the wrong thing, wake up and do it again, until, finally, it’s all just completely out of control. Shit was fucked up. Shit is fucked up. None of it was necessary but most of it was inevitable.

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