Night Owls Doomed to Early Death

I’ve been a night-owl for about as long as I can remember and the news about it has never really been good but this is new one: Why being a night owl may lead to earlier death. Just what we all need. An earlier death. Mine seems overdue by about a thousand years. I’m still haunted by the loss of the Mesopotamian temples.

Anyway, you can probably guess the reasons for our imminent demise. We go through life jet-lagged by a world built on a different schedule. The sun can boil up our blood and send us into frothing fits. Standing in direct light has been known to blind us and send us screaming into oncoming traffic. And then there’s the crows. Those fucking crows . . .

But there’s some hope. Well, not really. What there really is, is a quiz. Morningness-Eveningness Questionnaire. It basically tries to find out your chronotype. After informing me that it was not built with people like me in mind, it actually did a pretty good job. It located my bedtime at 8:30am. That’s about right. 7am always feels like I’m getting an early night at 9am always feels like I’ve been up late. It’s also the first time anyone has told me that my bedtime is at 8:30am. Usually they say things like “GET UP!” or “You’re still awake?” So there’s some comfort in being given an approximately right bedtime, even if I cannot possibly vouch for the accuracy of the quiz. It made me feel better, okay? Sometimes that has to be enough. Maybe it’ll do the same for you.

Anyway, don’t make mine a morning funeral. Do it at a sensible hour. Like midnight.